Long Labor Day Weekend

No classes until Tues. Means I will have my nose in the books and out having fun!

Will return with a new post on Tuesday.


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Second Day of Grad School.

Today is Tuesday. That means the day after yesterday. So after my second round of reception, comprehension, discussion, learning, experiencing, eating, walking, and story telling in ASL; I'm feeling more comfortable with myself and with the school, and more confident in my class participation. 

No tears today. 

Nearly all my classes are Monday and Tuesday, with the exception of a 2.5 hours seminar every Friday morning. Not bad, right? Except for the fact that my meal breaks are few and short. Now I understand why grad students always carry food with them wherever they go. You never know if you have to work/learn through lunch, and dinner, and into the night, and onward through breakfast. 

For several of my classes we have to pick a topic, subject matter, or idea in connection with a presentation, project, or paper. So far, I've been able to find relating ideas about multi-cultural, race & ethnicity, and literacy. Those topics are so interesting to me. I have no idea what I'm doing, but so far I'm having fun and have found some inspiration. 

Thanks to Labor Day, I don't have class until Tuesday... that's 6 days off! Don't worry, I'm burying my nose in my books. 

After next week, it will be in depth learning, involvement, immersion, and dedication. I have to retain a 3.0 GPA to graduate and a 3.5 GPA to keep my scholarship. 

Happy Labor Day!!

First Impact

I have no words. 

no signs.

no ways to communicate what I'm feeling. 

But let me try... I am overwhelmed with the work required, the level of which my ASL reception needs to be, the level of which my ASL execution needs to be, the amount of experience my peers have, the lack of experience I have, and finally; how I will establish a plan for me to accomplish not only my assignments, but also develop through and forward with each of the aforementioned concerns. 

In my last class, Structures and Application of ASL/English in the Classroom, there are 10 students, 1 TA, and 1 professor (obviously). Of those 10 students, I am one of the two hearing students. The other girl, she got her BA in Deaf Education. All the Deaf/HoH students? They have BA degrees in education and/or Deaf education. So I'm the only student without prior experience in and educational setting for the Deaf. 

I feel so behind. 

My hearing professor has a PhD in Deaf Education and teaching Linguistics. ASL is her third language, English her third, and Spanish her first. She's quite impressive. Her ASL skills are top notch. It is very inspiring to be around her, she has a certain vitality and passion around her like the dust cloud of that dirty kid from the Charlie Brown comics. Except not dirt, but energy. That being said, being around such inspirational and experienced people is motivating, and yet intimidating at the same time. 

I feel so intimidated. 

If I look back and try to remember other times I felt intimidated I can think of...

1) Auditions to get into Cal State University Long Beach with a bunch of bunheads. Denied. 

2) Ailey auditions with a bunch of technically advanced bunheads. Denied. 

3) First week of training at Apple in NYC, when I had never touched a Mac in my life. Success. 

4) Pursuing a career in modern dance in NYC, Failed. 

Denied because I gave my very best and didn't make the cut. 

Success because I applied myself, played by the rules, and was determined to make the most out of what I was working with. 

Failed because I did not apply myself seriously, I was not determined to find success; rather, I waited for it to come to me. I found roadblocks and sat in front of them or took another road, instead of seizing and conquering each one. 

After reviewing these few anecdotes of attempted achievement in my life, I think it's a little more clear as to what I need to do now. I am fully capable. I just can't crawl into a ball of fear and defense. Failure is so scary to me, especially after experiencing such a heavy dose of it as a dancer. It is scary to try again. But without trial, there is no failure OR achievement. Right? Right. 

So onward ever onward. 

This is what I signed up for. I knew I had little to no experience in this field and that I had a long row to plough. I will finally succeed in a life-path choice. Perhaps I need to remind myself that it is okay to ask for help and utilize the resources I have in order to find the appropriate path of success for me. The key to asking for help, though, is knowing/being aware of what you need help with. That's the critical step. 

I feel better. 

"Dad/Father"

Growing up near a military base with a father who worked in aerospace I was constantly sermoned in how to live the right way. Many times, especially as a tween, things my father said went in one ear and out the other. But one word of advice he has continued to give me through high school, undergrad, professional life, and now in grad school: "Keep a journal, Shauna. Write down things you experience and your thoughts about it. Later, you will learn from your experiences and perceptions. It will help you grow as a person and help you recognize your growth." 

Whaddya know? Dad was right. 

So let's see what the rest of the first week of graduate school has in store!

Hurricane Irene is stirring up some change.

     I've calmed down a lot since the last post, partially due to the fact that I finished unpacking and moving in. There truly is something that affects the brain regarding the feeling of "home." My mirrors are up, plants are out, baskets and trinkets in their places, pillows plushed and coffee paraphernalia equipped. Last night I finally got some real sleep. PTL! (praise the lord, yes I made that up...)

     Yesterday was take-care-of-business-day. I applied for a Graduate Student Assistant job. Squared away financial aid/scholarship shenanigans. Bought less than half my books at $356...yikes! Thank you, Student Federal Loans:-) Went grocery shopping for snacks and food to hold me over during this lovely tropical storm, thanks for Hurricane Irene. Inconsiderate heifer. (Yes, hurricane @Irene is passing through town today). Did the final unpacking, information internetting, late night chats with the boyfriend, sister, and mother. And am now basking in the fluorescent lighting in my dorm room watching the rain cascade onto the soccer field and sipping on Irish cream coffee. *exhale* I think I'm ready for school to start.

     Thursday night was Happy Hour sponsored by the Graduate Student Association (GSA). That was a great experience! I wish I hadn't been so tired from running around (the roommates and I traveled to Pentagon City to check out my transfer to a store in Virginia). Anyway, I met several folks from different programs, saw a few familiar faces, reacquainted with many Deaf Ed. students. Funny, I told some of the girls that I guess teachers like to drink, because at least a third of the attendees were Education students. She replied, "Well, we just know how to have fun!" That's for sure:-)

     During the Happy Hour I found myself in a sticky situation. And like the blonde that I am, I didn't realize it until the moment was over. A sweet Speech Therapy student, whose ASL skills were basic and seemed slightly clueless about Deaf Culture, began asking why some hearing parents send their children to Oral/Aural schools vs. schools for the Deaf or mainstreaming. Being the eager and gregarious person that I am, immediately I piped up my opinions and shared the store of the three deaf children from my hometown, their experiences with cochlear implants and the pros and cons of the situation. I assumed she had more knowledge than she evidently shared about the topic. Once we finished the discussion I thought to myself, "Man, that's a heavy topic for a Happy Hour." Once the speech therapist and her Deaf roommate went on to mingle elsewhere, my hearing IETP (interpreter educating training program) hearing roommate slying signed to me, "That's a sticky subject. A few people were watching. That's why I stayed out of it."

Instantaneously I felt so.... uncomfortable. I'm not even sure of the appropriate word: embarrassed, awkward, ashamed, guilty, ignorant.... like a social ignoramus who should have known better. Along with this incident I am finding so many people with interpreting and education backgrounds who seem to know so much more than I do about so much. I'm not used to that. I'm used to being extremely prepared and aware. Aware of what to expect, what hurdles I need to jump over, what I need to work on, what I am successful at. However, here at grad school at Gallaudet University, studying a new field (Deaf/Elementary Edu.) in a foreign language (ASL) in a new city (Washington, DC) with no friends or family around.... I am utterly humbled.

     A day or two later, I have decided that I am not embarrassed in my conversation. Perhaps in the future I will handle something like with a little more insight. Regardless, I am who I am and I am here to meet people, share ideas, experience the language and the culture of Deaf communities and learn along the way. Learning can not take place without mistakes... that's what we learn from, right?

It feels passe to say,
"There is always more to learn."
"There will always be someone who knows more and is better than you."
"You will always face challenges."
"Pick yourself up and start all over again."
...but these expressions are applicable to what I am experiencing and feeling right now, right here. For the first time in my life I feel like I am pushing myself to the limit. It feels scary, but I am excited to see how I do and where I go from here. It is time to push back those curtains of emotion and really apply and commit myself to this journey.

So let's open the door and get to steppin!

Perseverance

Jitters

Yesterday, the lovely roommate drove us to a nearby CVS pharmacy for a goodie-run. I snatched up some Claritin-D faster than you would believe, well... as fast as I could with some crazy old man who kept trying to refill a prescription too soon. There are a lot of old folks out there who just don't realize you can't get drugs whenever you want them. Anyway, I digress. Today, I can breathe! No pressure, no sore throat. So happy. 

Department of Education

The first day of school jitters caught me last night. After dinner I came home and stayed on this computer for about four hours. Four hours! The day's discussion of finances, health services, transporation, etc. reminded me that I didn't know any information about any of those things. So I got my research on and am now more settled. I ended up in bed just after midnight. THEN, I woke up in the middle of the night coughing and hacking. This was a good sign, the Claritin kicked in and I felt better right away. Then I started getting excited about feeling better, excited about today's orientation (which is just for my department; I'll be meeting all the faculty and my mentor!), and couldn't sleep. I think all together I got roughly 4 hours of sleep. But I'm still in a great mood and feeling good. Partially due to the fact that I was FIRST in the shower this morning. Man... four women sharing a single shower?? I've never had to live through such a thing. 

Cheers to another successful day on campus, and let's hope this Claritin keeps working!

Gallaudet Graduate Student Orientation Week

Wow. So I'm at Gallaudet. First week of new graduate student orientation. After arriving three days ago, Saturday, I have processed so many emotions; nervous, worry, concern, excitement, anticipation, fear, resignation, enjoyment, surprise, loneliness, appreciation, and pride.

I had to let go of so much in NYC, at least that's what it felt like at the time. And a little, still. My friends, my job, my kitchen, my dishes, my dream princess bed, my apartment with the beautiful view, my dream location of New York City with all that culture. But you know what? NYC isn't going anywhere. There is lots of culture and art and museums and knowledge and more here in Washington, DC. I have made friends with my roommates, after being so nervous we wouldn't get along. Just my paranoia... as usual. Turns out one of the girls and I have a lot in common. Both our Dad's are from Texas and work for the government and in technology. Our mothers are/were school secretaries. We were both raised conservatively and don't align with that lifestyle now. Small world. I've met a few other women from California, one from Sacramento who knew all my professors!! It is so inspiring to see and meet so many signers who have these great big goals and dreams for their professional careers involving ASL and the DEAFWORLD. I must admit, I might be second guessing my program of Elementary/Deaf Education. All these international studies, social work, linguistics, and Deaf studies folks make their programs so attractive. We'll see. If I change my mind, I'm in the right place to do so. Until then, I'm going to strive to become the best school teacher for the Deaf, ever. Ever.

Today we had an earthquake. I know, in DC?! 5.8 magnitude. All of the CA students looked around like it was no biggie. So the floor shook, big deal. I kid, I kid... everyone was fine and only a few buildings were damaged. But it sure did make the world seem that much smaller. Everyone was texting, tweeting, emailing and facebooking friends and family around the world talking about the earthquake, campus, and that they are all right. In a hearing campus, we would hear announcements from a megaphone, or word of mouth running amuck. Not at Gally. A main speaker stood in the middle of the stadiums, several interpreters stood to the left and the right of him spreading the news. Information was so accessible so immediately. I felt more aware here than I would on a hearing campus. Needless to say, the rest of the day's schedule was cancelled and my two roommates and I escaped to search for a coffee shop.

Indeed we found Sova, a very college-coffe-shop feeling place (appropriate soundtrack and all), and grabbed some drinks and waited out the quake safety (no buildings were open for entry and it was hot as hell today). Two iPhones, one LG phone, and one iPad later...we all were up to date with information about the quake, campus, and when we could return to eat at the cafeteria. Technology really does keep the world spinning, more than we know. Well, more than hearing people are conscious of.

I am so glad that I chose to come to Gallaudet. Letting go of comfortable crutches and everyday expectations pushes us to strive for more and assess our own strengths, values, and development. I am looking forward to the two year journey here and anticipate many stories and discoveries to share with you along the way.

Wish me luck!!